7 Reasons Your Habits Are Failing
Habits are born and killed by opposite forces.
Because habits are repeated behaviors for attaining a specific state of being, they depend on consistent commitment over time. What makes a habit successful, therefore, is different from what prompts it to fail. And in many cases, your habits fail not because of mood swings, motivational droughts, or external pressures.
Instead, your habits die because of these forces:
1: You are not proactive enough
You cannot successfully implement a habit without first adopting the principle of proactivity.
As expert Stephen Covey proclaims in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, being proactive is the single most fundamental habit to have. It maintains that you — and you alone — are in control of your actions, and therefore also the execution, maintenance, and development of your habits. Having “no time” and “no motivation” are reactive ways of allowing external circumstances to control you — and only by assuming control and adapting to your particular situation effectively, can your habits remain successful.
After all, you may not be in charge of your environment, but you are in control of your actions.
2: Your habits are incompatible with your underlying identity
In terms of habits, identity must precede behavior.
Habits come more easily when there is less of a dissonance between your self and your actions, because in a way, your behaviors are manifestations of your identity. You cannot build sturdy structures on a shaky foundation — so, if you want to perform healthier actions, you need to also be a healthier person. Thus, James Clear (Atomic Habits) rightly calls for identity-based habits: actions rooted in an established desired identity, instead of actions that seek to change your sense of self from the outside in.
The behaviors you want from yourself flow more effortlessly from a core identity that is compatible with this desire.
3: You do not possess a strong enough “Why”
All habits have a purpose.
And this purpose — whether it is to become healthier or friendlier or harder-working — caters to a deep desire. Therefore, many habit coaches insist on the importance of having a Why, or an explicit end state that keeps your commitment in check by reminding you of your habits’ purpose. Failing to keep such a sentiment, or simply not having a strong enough inner reason to pursue new action tendencies, might reduce motivation and commitment.
Behind every action is a goal (a “why”) — and it is vital that your positive habits have a greater, better purpose than those of your negative habits.
4: You are making it more difficult than easy to follow through
The biggest situational roadblock to your habits is a making of your own.
Like James Clear observes, habits are cued by environmental factors. A messy space invites behaviors of laziness and carelessness, whereas a clean desk with readily available pens and paper inspires purpose and discipline and reduces the need of effort to sit down and work. Therefore, your habits might not be working because you are — likely unconsciously — making it easier to commit to the wrong habits than to the right habits.
Part of making action tendencies more effortless, is (as Ali Abdaal likes to say) “to reduce friction” and increase the likelihood of desired incentives to rise and spur certain actions.
5: You do not have a system in place
As products of intentional repetition, habits depend on systems.
Again, James Clear writes: “We don’t rise to the level of our goals; we fall to the level of our systems.” Whereas a goal represents the outcome — the ideal consequences — of your habits, your habits can only be maintained and supported by systems. Without these structures in place, habits have no grounds to survive and develop, and certainly not toward achieving end goals in the most time-effective and energy-conscious way possible.
Really, you need to chart the journey if you want to reach the destination — no matter how well you know where you want to end up.
6: You have proceeded too quickly
Habits must build exponentially — start humble and grow bigger in small portions.
This is because successful habits seek to stretch your confines of comfort. You practice a new behavior that feels temporarily uncomfortable (like exercising or making your own food or talking to a stranger), adjust to it, and advance upon ease. But you must do so gradually — not suddenly — because if you expand your comfort zone too quickly, it becomes more challenging for your mind and body to adjust to your new state of being.
Like the old saying goes, you must not chew off more than you can bite.
7: You are failing to show up
In the end, what really matters is consistency.
You can make all the excuses you want. You can blame the weather or your mood or the rude stranger at the store — but at the end of the day, it is your decision not to show up, even after an inevitable setback, that ends the habit cycle. Of course, some of us have more hectic lives than others, with less available time and energy to expend on certain habits.
But, it is your responsibility — and no one else’s — to define your habits within the perimeters of your life situation, and to keep showing up. That is the only way to make the best of your circumstances.
Therefore, the main reason that your habits are failing, might simply be that you are not doing them anymore.
