8 Times Being Honest and Direct Paid Off
Some months ago, I made a vow to never lie.
This honesty came naturally to me — but being direct in that honesty and voicing my deepest needs, wants, and boundaries proved to be a challenge.
Thankfully, I persevered. But I was not rude. I did not say everything that came to mind without a reason. Instead, I was direct. I was honest and clear about the things I thought were important to communicate.
This directness paid off time and again — even when I feared it would not.
1: Confessing my feelings to my crush
For about a year, I had feelings for a guy I had never once talked to.
Confessing my feelings to a close friend was one thing; approaching an older, more confident-looking man was quite another. Rather than smiling to him or saying “hi” whenever he passed, I went for a less scary tactic for more than seven months: not doing anything about it.
Until October, when I wrote him a letter, given to him by my friend. He never responded. But I did not regret doing it, because in laying my feelings bare, I had gained something much more precious than a date with a handsome guy:
Courage, a soothing sense of finality, and relief knowing that I could finally turn my attention to other important matters.
2: Declining the chance to get my dream part-time job
I had the opportunity to get the kind of job I had wanted for so long.
But it had its downsides. I would have to sacrifice weeks of writing, reading, and studying. And because I had not taken a break since last December, I felt so badly that I needed a period of rest.
I wanted the job, but I did not want the burnout. So I told the interviewer, disappointed as we both were, that I would not be available during the time she needed me to be. I knew I would likely lose my chance to get the job, but if I had not maintained my boundaries, I would have had to let go of other things that I could not afford to lose.
It was hard to say no to this almost-perfect opportunity, but it would have cost me more had I said yes.
3: Voicing my criticisms within a group project
Whenever I work alone, I can be in control of every element of the process.
But when I work on a project with three other people, that control gets divided into four pieces — and everyone has a different way of claiming their own slice. Each of us have our own ideas of how to proceed with various tasks, and how to design and submit the final product.
Personally, I cannot proceed with a project if it lacks consistency. In one instance at university, I told this to my group: that I needed to coordinate and plan all of our tasks in order to feel comfortable with our project. This vulnerability was ultimately fruitful, as they understood and were glad to find a solution that worked for everyone.
By communicating my concerns and criticisms, I allowed my needs space, and I made sure the project became time-effective and overall enjoyable.
4: Saying no to an invitation
A person I no longer considered a friend once asked to meet up.
They had not done anything irredeemable to lose this label. And overall, they were a beautiful and kind person. But in our time together, they had crossed one of my most important boundaries, and I no longer wished to give them the time and energy I always seemed to lose in their company.
I admit, though, that while I was honest, I was not fully open with them. Seeing as I did not want to admit that I was no longer interested, I instead told them an adjacent truth: that I had other things I would have rather spent my time on. Open or not, I was direct — as the old me would have bent to the pressure and regretted furthering a one-sided friendship.
And because I stood my ground, I had one of the best weeks of my life.
5: Taking initiative with people
I used to be cowardly in my interactions with others.
I would be enamored with someone without doing anything to establish a connection. In vain, I would wait for the other person to take the first step. And I would be miserable and lonely — until my first day of the semester in January, when I did something new.
That day, I walked up to a classmate and initiated a conversation. From this sprouted one of my closest friendships, a friendship that would be followed by many unforgettable moments and fulfilling interactions. Because of this one step, I managed to make it the best and happiest year of my entire life.
By being direct, I made five amazing new friendships in 2023 alone — a marvel considering I used to spend my time on campus mostly by myself.
6: Exposing my lack of knowledge on a specific topic
Some people think that showing a lack of knowledge means being weak.
It does not. No one can reasonably know everything. It is by asking questions and admitting our shortcomings that we gain the insight and knowledge that others wish to possess by mere virtue of their intelligence.
Therefore, there have been moments when I have asked “the stupid questions” in front of a classroom of people. There have been times when I have admitted ignorance (or naivete) and in turn garnered ridicule. Despite this occasional negative feedback, though, exposing the chink in my armor might still be the best thing I can do for myself in these situations.
Because at the end of the day, I am the one who receives the answers I want — as well as the courage to ask for more.
7: Correcting someone’s harmful misconceptions
As a psychology student and long-term mental health patient, I feel uncomfortable whenever I hear an uneducated opinion about mental illness.
People love using words like “crazy” and “insane” and “psycho”. Most of them are so painfully unaware of what these words mean — and what their use entails. They do not know how harmful these comments can be and only use them to separate themselves from these othered individuals.
Once, a close acquaintance made a nasty comment about mental disorders and craziness. I corrected them and informed them that there was no such link to be made. Thankfully, they were mature about it and learned from their mistake.
Since then, our conversations became even more honest and informative, and ultimately more rewarding.
8: Stepping away from unhealthy social environments
I have had friends who have talked behind other people’s backs.
It is a thing that I will never tolerate. Above all else, I value proactivity, a virtue that requires maturity and open-mindedness. Those who talk behind other people’s backs are immature and dishonest, making unwarranted remarks about others’ superficial or insignificant flaws.
So, I told my friends and other acquaintances that I would not allow it. Some were hurt and offended, claiming the role of the victim in a problem that could be entirely blamed on them. I was direct with them — communicating my complaints clearly to those who failed to be direct themselves — and left to pursue better connections.
This way, I kept my truest values close.
This way, I remained honest and direct.
