9 Lessons from 18 Years of OCD
I had obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) for almost two decades.
For years, I experienced immense discomfort at various irrational fears (obsessions), like being forgotten by a friend, switching bodies with others, and soaring into outer space. To stave off the uncomfortable emotions that followed from these scary scenarios, and to prevent them from occurring, I would perform hours of rituals by myself (compulsions), like counting to twelve or thinking of the color blue.
After years of clinical treatment, I was finally released from this evil cycle.
What I learned was invaluable, to me and to all of you.
1: Control only the things you can control
You can only control your own behavior (that is, your reactions to internal and external circumstances). You cannot control what thoughts or feelings arise at any moment, nor any of the things that happen to you. Instead of trying to assert control over these unpleasant situations, be mindful of what it is that you can actually change, and choose to do what is right.
2: Fear is not synonymous to danger
Many fears are irrational (among others, my own fears involved waking up in a medieval village!). Even so, irrational fears can cause immense distress and a sense that the danger is unimagined. However, the fear center in our brains is built to take note of any and all potential outcomes that may harm us, regardless of the actual plausibility of these scenarios.
3: Emotions do not respond to logic
You cannot “logic” your way out of an unpleasant emotion. Feelings are meant to be acknowledged and felt, not suppressed. Again, regardless of how rational a feeling is (for instance, when you feel anxious before your job interview, or when you feel jealous of your friend’s accomplishments), your brain will feel that way until you allow the emotion to pass on its own.
4: Anxiety is not intuition
That gut feeling you get when you feel that something is wrong can either be intuition or anxiety. (Importantly, anxiety the feeling, not the disorder.) However, anxiety often disguises itself as intuition, especially in situations that involve specific irrational fears (like when “something feels wrong” every time you see the number 13), and it cannot always be trusted.
5: Take a chance
Things might go wrong, or they might not. You cannot know for certain whether A or B will happen in any given situation. But you should not let your irrational fear (public speaking, cracks in the pavement, etc.) hold you back from taking an important step forward (like presenting your work to class or walking down the street as normal) — in other words, take a chance!
6: Discomfort is necessary
The things that cause you fear or discomfort are the ones you need to conquer in order to grow as a person. If you wish to improve your health, lifestyle, or relationships, it is vital that you step outside of your comfort zone. Otherwise, you will be a victim of the emotions you cannot control.
7: Mindfulness is key
Negative emotions (and the thoughts they accompany) can often be sources of distraction. The key to focus is being mindful, and it is the path to proper emotion regulation. When you are mindful, you keep your focus on a single thing (your breathing, the task before you, your conversation partner, etc.) and allow internal and external distractions to come and go unattended.
8: Trust the process
It is in our darkest moments that we lose hope. But if you commit to something that promises long-term gain, and you keep on doing it despite the obstacles that come, you will be moving toward the life you want. Even if the results don’t show when you wish them to, you just have to learn and adapt and remember to trust the process.
9: It is your choice
No one is there to decide for you what you must do. No one is there to force you to do what you have decided to do. It is, and it will always be, your own responsibility to live according to your values and goals.
In the end, you choose.
