A Valuable Lesson from Mindfulness (and One Great Misconception)
There is something that many people wrongly assume about mindfulness — and from this, we can learn a most valuable lesson.
I am not a mindfulness expert, nor an expert on other fields of meditation. I am merely speaking on the basis of things that I have learned from my therapists and clinicians and from my own mindfulness practices. There may be certain types of mindfulness disciplines that have different or opposite aims, procedures, and/or philosophies from the type I am describing below (for instance, certain religious forms of mindfulness might differentiate from the one described below); however, I will not be referring to those, nor questioning their validity, since I would be ill-equipped to handle that subject matter myself.
Mindfulness is a straightforward yet highly complex practice.
It requires you to focus on certain objects (like your breathing or the palm of your right hand) and maintain that focus despite the internal or external distractions that your mind or senses arouse. Whenever a thought, feeling, or sensation removes your focus from the present moment (for example, anxieties, daydreams, or a conversation outside your window), you must return your focus to the objects at hand. This will then help you connect with the current situation — rather than the past that was or the future that might be — as it simultaneously relaxes your mind and body.
In other words, you might say that mindfulness is a way for you to access and preserve a certain peace of mind in the present moment.
What many people take this to believe, is that mindfulness is about “emptying your mind”. That it is about eliminating all thoughts and removing all feeling. Thus, mindfulness is a quest for absolute quiet, in which no distraction ever presents itself to the perfectly peaceful mind.
But that is impossible — and from a clinical-psychological standpoint, potentially a harmful notion to have.
This is because this view of mindfulness presupposes that external and internal distractions (like thoughts and feelings) are in themselves wrong. But we cannot control what we think or feel in the moment, nor whether a loud car drives by or we suddenly crave a slice of chocolate cake. It is not within our power to erase all external and internal distractors — on the other hand, it is only in our power to choose how we wish to proceed.
That is what mindfulness is about.
Focusing on the present moment. Acknowledging the distractions that arise. Choosing to refocus despite these distractions, and creating a sense of calm via this decision to stay on task.
Because while distractions are inevitable, focus is a choice.
You are bound to feel sad, or anxious, or jealous, or angry. Your mind is bound to move occasionally toward thoughts of vacations, or crushes, or food, or concerns. Sometimes, your feet hurt or your stomach growls, and other times, you catch a delicious smell from outside your open window.
But you can always choose to be mindful, and proceed as you wish to do.
This idea heralds back to the proactivity principle detailed by Stephen Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Mindfulness coaches often inspire you to “observe” your distractions and “gently move your focus” back to the present moment. In a way, by doing this, you do what Covey urges his readers to do: to focus your attention on what you have the power to do in the present moment (in regard to what matters to you personally), in order to create a better future from your current circumstances.
Thus, what many misconceive as an attempt to claim an empty mind, is instead a practice that knows that such a quest is practically impossible.
What it teaches, therefore, is that you should recognize these external and internal distractors as they come — and that you should still choose to focus on the more significant matter before you.
