Before You Open Your Mouth to Speak…
We say what we say for various reasons.
Sometimes, we tell a story to make someone laugh. Sometimes, we share advice to help someone out. Other times, we choose not to speak because we want instead to listen, learn, and empathize.
Our intentions, thus, differ from conversation to conversation. So do our recipients’ responses to what we tell them or do. In other words, the results differ: we make someone smile, we make someone cry, we make someone feel safe, and so on and so forth.
If you want to have a productive conversation, where what you say or do is constructive rather than destructive, there are certain things you must take into account; simply, answer two questions honestly.
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When you’re talking to someone, a person or a group, ask yourself this:
What difference is it that I want to make?
Before you open your mouth to speak, you should know what your intentions for the conversation are. Are you seeking to help someone in pain? Are you seeking to impress someone you like? Are you seeking to have a respectful debate about a particular topic?
If you know what your intentions actually are, you can decide how productive that intention is and, if it is, more easily assess how helpful (or harmful) to that aim it may be to say or do a specific thing that comes to mind.
When you know what your intentions are, ask yourself this:
Will what I am about to say/do make that difference?
Before you do anything, you should know how helpful (or harmful) what you are about to say or do is. If you are seeking to help someone, will giving that advice actually help? If you are seeking to impress someone, will that joke actually be appropriate to make? If you are seeking to hold a peaceful discussion, will the way you are thinking to phrase your argument help your audience understand your viewpoint or cause them to feel unheard and belittled themselves?
If you have an idea of how helpful the action you are about to take actually may turn out to be, you can alter your behavior so as to make the interaction more conducive to your intentions.
So, put simply:
Before you open your mouth to speak, think.
