But… Are You Any Better?
There are likely people in your life that you don’t like.
Your sibling is annoying. Your friend is rude. Your partner is overreactive. Your boss is assertive. Your neighbor is loud.
This might all be very correct: maybe these people are rather tiresome. Maybe they are making your life a little bit worse. Maybe there is a lot that is wrong with those around you, and you should not need to suffer through it.
But I ask you: Are you any better?
Perspective is everything.
There is not a single observation in life that isn’t painted by perspective.
You and I can speak with the same person and have two very different impressions and opinions about them. You and I can have an argument, and you might have a very different interpretation about something I said than what I actually stated. You and I have different personalities and backgrounds, so we will undoubtedly look at things in different ways.
In other words, every positive or negative perception of someone or something is always just an opinion.
You might think someone is funny, and I might think they are exhausting. You might think a specific behavior to be annoying or overreactive, and I might think it is entirely harmless. Similarly, no matter what you say or do, you cannot fully influence how you may come across to me, because I will deem you whatever I like based on my own experiences and preferences.
It is vital to know this, because perspective is in everything.
And when it is changed, it offers a completely new outlook on things.
You are the solution.
You can focus as much as you want on everybody else’s faults, but doing this will not get you very far.
The sad truth is that you cannot control what another person does or how that makes you feel. You cannot expect someone to act a specific way, even when their own way is unhealthy or harmful. This does not mean that they should not change (they should!), but you need to realize that the only thing you really have power over is your own behavior as a response to this issue.
The happy truth, then, is that there is a solution: and that solution is you.
As Stephen Covey writes about proactivity in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, you are the solution to your own problems. Instead of complaining about things you cannot control, you have the power to do something about the things that are bothering you in your relationships. You can choose to help your “overreactive” partner through their emotions, or consider no longer spending time with your friend who is (in your perspective) rude.
Do something about the problems you seek fixing.
And above all else, become that solution.
Self-awareness is key.
You are human, which means that you are flawed too.
This means that while it is important to evaluate everyone else’s flaws and see how they factor into your life, you ought to practice self-awareness too. You must evaluate yourself in truth and identify your own shortcomings. (Like, perhaps you think your boss is too assertive not because they actually are, but because you are uncomfortable with others taking charge.)
Furthermore, self-awareness allows you to see whether you might be contributing to the problems you seem to have with everyone else.
Maybe your sibling keeps annoying you because you only give them the attention they want when they make you mad? Maybe your partner is not really overreactive and overly jealous, but are merely responding to years of evidence that you might not be someone they can trust? No matter how irrational their behavior is, it might have something to do with you: and it is your responsibility to change yourself to accommodate the situation.
Because in the end, you are the solution, so you must also be part of the problem.
Your acquaintances might be flawed in many ways; I am not denying that. But some of those flaws might stem from your own biased perspective. Or they might tie back into a flaw within yourself, one that you need to work on in order to improve the situation.
After all, you cannot choose how other people behave around you.
But you can always choose how you behave toward them.
And that is what makes you, perhaps, a little bit better.
