Do This Little Exercise to Increase Your Confidence
Confidence cannot be forced, but it can be nurtured.
Step 1: Make a list of the compliments you receive
Write down any and all compliments you hear from others.
Even the ones you disagree with — especially those. Sort them into self-defined categories if you want to. Also, emphasize the compliments you receive most frequently.
Think about what these compliments mean for you. That you have a great personality or appearance? That you have certain skills or talents that show through?
These are the affirmations that others believe about you.
Step 2: Think about the ways in which these compliments hold true
Write down the reasons each of these compliments might be true.
Whether you believe them or not is irrelevant. Find evidence that the compliments you have received are valid. Uncover at least one piece per compliment, no matter how seemingly impossible that may be.
Think of reasons beyond your comfort zone. If a classmate has called you pretty, maybe proof of that beauty could be linked to your newly-cut hair, colorful clothing, or radiant smile. If a friend has noted your kindness, maybe that trait is evident in the way you often help them out without expecting anything in return.
These are the observations others (and you) have made about your positive sides.
Step 3: Make a list of the compliments you wish to receive
Write down the compliments you want to hear in the future.
These can be comments you already receive from time to time, but that you want to hear more of. They can also be ones you have never gotten before. What matters is that you are yearning for more positive attention on these specific aspects of your life.
Maybe you want your efforts to look a certain way to be appreciated. Or maybe you want someone to notice your adorable laughter or clever sense of humor. If this is the case, allow yourself to acknowledge your current strengths and the ones you wish to claim forward.
These reflect the desired state — or goals — of your life, and the very truths about you that you want other people to notice.
Step 4: Define steps to achieve those goals
Write down small and big steps that help toward obtaining these goals.
Keep in mind that these steps must be constructive — they should be there to support your self-improvement, not to make you someone you are not. Being called pretty is not about getting a nose job or losing weight or buying a new wardrobe. Embracing your strengths (and imagined weaknesses) is the real way of achieving your desired end states.
So, if you want to be seen as attractive, make sure you plan out ways to improve your personal style, skin, or overall health. If you want to be seen as successful and productive, set an intention to increase your focus and discipline. If you want to be regarded as kind or selfless, see yourself making choices that support that observation.
These reflect the actions you ought to take to improve upon yourself.
Step 5: Take action
Start taking these steps, one by one, toward your goals.
Although, remember this: you do not need to do anything to actually deserve the kind words of others. You are beautiful and worthy as you are. But you cannot expect to receive certain positive remarks without putting in some effort to prove those opinions.
To become hard-working, you must work hard. To practice kindness, you must be kind. Importantly, take those first steps today. Sit down and read a chapter in your syllabus. Hold the door open for a stranger.
Work toward bettering yourself, and others will take notice.
Ideally, though, you will no longer be dependent on other people complimenting your beauty, personality, success, or lifestyle. Your consistent action would be affirmation enough.
Because who you are is reflected in your behavior — and what you do proves that fact.
