How I Became More Confident in My Appearance
My appearance used to be my biggest insecurity.
I used to hate the imperfections on my face. I used to hate every hair and crease on my body. I used to dislike my appearance so much that I would cry for hours upon end whenever I caught my own reflection.
Although I am still insecure sometimes, I have come to terms with most of it and even come to love some of it. Sometimes, I admit that I even feel quite good about the way that I look — which was an impossibility for the past me.
This is how I managed to become more confident in my appearance.
I started accepting compliments.
The way we respond to a compliment can have a stronger impact on us than the compliment itself.
When we repeatedly reject compliments from others, we implicitly tell ourself that we are undeserving of positive attention. Because I wanted to learn to take these compliments to heart instead of shrugging them off, I decided to accept the compliments I received from people. Even if I strongly disagreed, I asked them to explain what they meant instead of rejecting their truth.
Accepting compliments makes it much easier to accept the truth behind them in the long run.
I started talking to myself in a nicer way.
Sometimes, we believe what we tell ourselves.
Indeed, negative self-talk builds negative self-perceptions. I used to bully myself relentlessly for my own imperfections and shortcomings, which made me even more insecure and sad. On the other hand, after a year of more compassionate self-talk, I have found that referring to myself as “ugly” and “worthless” these days just ends up feeling kind of pathetic.
Since then, I have also stopped seeing myself as so.
I made a habit of looking at myself in the mirror every day.
By looking at your own face every day, you can grow to become more comfortable with it.
This is what I was told by a therapist as she gave me this very task. Thus, every morning since December of 2022, I have stared at myself in the bathroom mirror for ten seconds and find a couple of things I like about my features. Since then, I find I have become less uncomfortable with the imperfections of my appearance, and more so with the long, uncomfortable silence of those ten seconds.
I still do this exercise, and it becomes a little bit less frightening for every day that passes.
I decided to look for things about myself that I liked.
When we look for something, we tend to find it.
This also applies for our appearances. By actively looking for and acknowledging the aspects of myself that I like, or even just do not actively dislike, I have been able to find many such things myself. Besides, I think, if I am able to like these parts of myself, who’s to say I can’t like the rest of myself too?
There are always things to like, after all.
I started showing my insecurities instead of covering them up.
When you cover your perceived flaws, you signal to yourself that they deserve to be hidden away.
This is why I decided to go the opposite route. I stopped wearing concealer to hide my acne and went bare-faced, and I stopped hiding my strawberry skin in jeans and instead wore short dresses. By doing this, I normalized my own appearance whilst also learning to live life the way I wanted to.
I showed it and owned it.
I started working out.
Physical exercise makes us feel good.
For me, it has become a favorite activity. Not only do I feel amazing after the fact, but the session itself makes me feel like I am using my increasingly capable body to overcome something that it could not do before. It is exactly the kind of activity that defeats negative self-thoughts.
Exercise is not about looking beautiful. It is about feeling invincible.
I started putting effort into what I wore.
Clothes can have a tremendous impact on confidence.
We feel more attractive and confident in clothes that suit us, and less so in clothes that are the wrong size, color, or silhouette. Therefore, I decided to pay more attention to the clothes and jewelry that I wore, making an effort to follow a very simple rule: “Leave your home proud of how you look.” Once I started doing this, I have received many compliments from friends and strangers about my appearance — all of which I accept with a smile.
Putting an effort into your presentation really does make a difference in how you feel about your appearance.
I decided to identify myself as someone who is confident.
You act as the person you identify as.
So, because I wanted to become more confident, I started viewing myself as more confident. Nowadays, I act less like the nervous, insecure person that I feel on the inside. Instead, I walk with a straighter back, smile in public, and look more confident than ever when running outdoors.
In this way, I am constantly attempting an inner and outer shift from insecure to assured.
And by doing this, I become a little more confident every day.
