I Cry Whenever I Feel Like It
Unlike most people, I do not look at crying with shame.
Therefore, I cry when I feel sad or stressed or even overjoyed. I cry when I am alone or with friends, and when I feel hurt or scared or uncomfortable. I cry when I am on my way home, even when people pass me strange looks or pretend not to see me.
I cry whenever I feel like it, and I feel that you should do so too.
This article champions crying in almost every situation there is, but I am sure that there are some situations where crying would be largely unhelpful or even harmful. Read with this in mind, as I am speaking from my own experiences both outside and inside of therapy.
Crying is natural and harmless.
It should be okay to do something as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone.
On its own, crying does not hurt anyone (on the contrary, it can actually be quite beneficial, but more on that later). Crying is only a natural expression of emotion, expressed externally rather than felt only internally. But unlike the raised voices of anger or the uncontrolled overwhelm of stress (both of which can be socially or personally harmful coping strategies to emotions), the tears that come with crying are not dangerous at all.
What is making them seem so unattractive and wrong are the social norms and perspectives attached to crying.
Tears (whether sad, distressed, or happy) are signs of vulnerability: thus, crying is generally seen as a sign of weakness. But this is an ignorant and short-sighted perspective to have: crying, which is a harmless expression of emotion when the person doesn’t overstep other people’s boundaries, is a sign of emotional maturity (as we shall soon see). When people look with disdain upon a crying person, it is because they feel uncomfortable, not because their personal boundaries have been crossed or disrespected.
Like laughter is to joy, crying is to stress and sadness and so much more.
And these feelings should be allowed to come out in a good, natural way.
Crying is necessary and beneficial.
When emotions (and tears) are suppressed, negativity builds up over time.
It can cause outbursts or inner agitation: thoughts and feelings that are never let out, and thus come out in much more harmful ways in the end. The whole thing can feel overpowering and unbearable, more so than it would feel to shed a few tears every once in a while. But when you neglect many small burdens, it becomes near impossible to handle one big burden.
Unsurprisingly, crying is almost necessary and also beneficial.
For one, crying can help relieve stress. As long as it doesn’t veer into the territory of making poor decisions on the basis of fleeting feelings, crying is a healthy way of regulating emotions, mastering stress, and increasing resilience. Secondly, in many ways, the act of crying can signal to others and the person in question that they need care and aid, something that increases the chance of their mood and circumstances improving.
When I cry, therefore, I am not weak or unaware of social expectations.
I am merely expressing a feeling in the best way that I know, because crying gets me so much farther along than it does to try and adjust to unhelpful and counterintuitive norms.
