I Got into My Dream University. This Is What I Learned in the Process.
9 Lessons from One of the Hardest Periods of My Life
I have never worked as hard as I did this spring semester.
Alongside several other important projects, I took a university subject, wrote my bachelor’s thesis, and studied for various challenging exams to improve my grade average from high school, which would then be inches away from letting me in or keeping me out from my dream study program — all while maintaining a time-consuming workout, cooking, and reading schedule and keeping in touch with family and friends. My aim was to get accepted into one of Norway’s most difficult programs to get into: the six-year clinical psychology course at the University of Oslo. Becoming a therapist had been a career goal since I was twelve — and getting a dauntingly high grade average was the only way of reaching it.
Then, this summer, I was accepted.
Here are the lessons I learned during the process of getting there.
1: Do not trust your doubts
During the pursuit of an important goal, you are bound to have doubts.
You may worry that your efforts might be in vain, or feel that you are not good enough. However, these thoughts and feelings are caused by notions of uncertainty: they are anxiety-induced assumptions about a future that is entirely unknown. But you are not in the future — you are in the present — and that means that your focus is best directed toward what you can and should do with the time you have, rather than toward your irrational fears.
Even as I was doing good work and found myself far ahead of my schedule, I was plagued with doubts throughout the entire semester. I cared so much about getting into Profesjonsstudiet (the Norwegian name for the program), that I battled restlessly with anxieties and feelings of hopelessness and exhaustion. But, as I learned with each successful study session and each exam that I took, these doubts only really functioned as distractions, and they were no more to be trusted than my own resolve and capabilities.
Eventually, I learned to believe in myself more than my doubts.
2: Remember your dream
It is easy to forget your dreams when you are stuck in a nightmare.
With each day that passes without clear results, you grow tired, agitated, and frustrated. Eventually, you might start to associate the future you are working for with negative feelings, and you might even feel like giving up. This is why it is so important to create a ‘Why’ for yourself (a notion often credited to author Simon Sinek), so that even in the midst of struggle, you may remember why you are still going and why it matters in the end.
There were multiple times when I asked myself, “Does it really matter if I stop trying so hard?” But I still went on with my work as if it did — because I knew, deep inside, that the goal I had made for myself was one of my life’s greatest missions. Time and time again, I reminded myself that yes, it did matter, and I told myself why it mattered, and with this inspiration in mind, I persevered.
I never gave up on my dream, because it was there with me all the time.
3: Once you have committed yourself, there is no turning back
Major life decisions should be considered carefully before they are settled.
While it is always okay to quit some kind of pursuit that is unfulfilling or ultimately insignificant to you, this is not the case with things that actually matter. It is easy to feel seduced by the impulse to quit an activity or task while you are struggling, but in these moments, it is all the more important to keep going. Commitments are made to be followed (because whatever they say, rules are not made to be broken), so there is often no reason to turn back once you have decided to work toward something great.
In my own case, I was committed to my goal both mentally (via my ‘why’) and legally. Once a certain date had passed since signing up for my exams, I was obligated by the regulations posed by Norway’s educational system to actually go through with them. Thus, I knew that my only two options were (1) to complete the exams as well as I could, even with no sure way of knowing how they would go, or (2) to purposefully lower my efforts and lose out on the opportunity to get into Profesjonsstudiet.
Naturally, since I was already at it, I chose the first.
4: Maintain a balance between work and health
Overwhelm and exhaustion are common results of over-productive work.
As a clinical nutritionist once told me, our bodies and minds are not designed (nor equipped) to handle excessive work loads over an extended period of time without continually being nurtured with good food, physical activity, and mindful rest. While taking breaks and pursuing activities other than work may feel like wasting time, they are absolutely necessary things to do if you wish to succeed in the long run and maintain a clear mind and functioning body. In other words, you have to take care of your health.
I almost crossed the line during that semester. I was beyond exhausted, to the point where I could scarcely walk or stand without feeling like toppling down to the floor. It was only once I started dedicating more hours every day to calming activities, that I was able to proceed and succeed without falling apart.
Unsurprisingly, when you feel better, you work better.
5: Stay calm
In the midst of stress, small rocks appear as insurmountable boulders.
What may be a simple and straightforward task thus becomes a frightening and seemingly impossible endeavor. However, if you remain focused on the mission and work with what you have, you may find that it is fully solvable in the end. Yes, getting to that solution might be challenging, but it is more likely that you will find it if you pay attention to the task rather than the thoughts and feelings clouding your mind.
When I received the task for my final oral exam, I blanched. I knew I had prepared well beyond what was necessary, but still, I found it hard to see how I could solve the problem on the paper in only 30 minutes before the teachers called me in to assess my performance. But as I willed my head to cool, and did what I could in the moment, I realized the task was within my capabilities to handle after all, and that I could easily present the topic to my audience from various angles if so needed.
I ended up getting the highest grade and leaving several minutes early.
6: It is impossible to be entirely prepared
No amount of preparation in the present can dictate the future.
That does not mean that you should not do your best to work toward a specific outcome, or that you should not feel safe in making certain assumptions about a future situation along the way. However, as habit expert Stephen Covey advises in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, it does mean that you should focus most on what it is that you can control rather than what it is that you cannot control. The future is never exactly as you pictured it in the past — and, therefore, it is wisest of you to focus on making most of what you have in front of you, without crossing the line into anxiety-fueled overwork.
I did not know which topics my exams would cover, what kinds of people my examiners would be, whether it would be raining or not, or how hungry or anxious I would feel once I finally entered the examination room. What I knew was that I had to know the textbook well — and even then, it would have been impossible for me to know every single fact by heart or to be able to correctly identify any given mineral, rock, or body of water that the pictures on the pages showed. So, I did what I thought was needed, and even more still, and went to my exams with the knowledge that what I knew was beyond enough.
In the end, I was told by most of my examiners that I had over-prepared.
7: Say “No”
If you wish to say yes to one thing, you have to say no to another.
That applies to people, events, notifications, and countless other external and internal distractions that turn your focus away from whatever it is that you are pursuing. You should not compromise your health or eliminate all sources of comfort, however, because as mentioned above, it is important to balance hard work with calming/pleasurable activities. But, if you wish to make a difference in one area of your life, you should expect that you will have to make a difference in another as well.
During the spring, my schedule was packed with tasks that I needed to complete if I wished to accomplish my aims — and, as a result, I had very little spare time on my hands. I decided to reduce the number of social meetings I attended, and increase the time spent reading alone, which brought me a sense of calm at the end of each stressful day. Although it made me feel guilty and sad (despite people’s repeated reassurances), I knew that this was what I had to do if I wanted to reach the dream of a lifetime.
If done right, saying no once does not have to mean saying no forever.
8: Achievement can feel like relief
Realizing a major dream does not always feel like you expected it to.
Sometimes, an achievement can cause wild emotions and jubilee, but oftentimes, it can feel more like calmness, contentedness, or relief. This does not have to imply that your accomplishment is any less important to you once you reach it than it was before. But sometimes, hard work and intermediate results can prime the mind to feel less ecstatic and more satisfied once they finally lead you to acquire the grand prize.
When I opened my digital letter and saw that I had been accepted into the clinical psychology program, my first thought was simply, “Oh, okay”. Here was one of my two biggest dreams in life, finally realized, and all I felt was, “Ah”. While those around me cheered and exclaimed, I mostly just sighed with relief as this once-heavy burden had been lifted from my shoulders.
To me, that quiet delight was even more precious than shock and rapture.
9: It is worth a try
You might have a dream yourself.
Maybe you want to spend your life with a certain someone, or you are longing to start a business or travel around the world. That reality might feel a long way off, and reaching it might feel impossible, but it is certainly (at least, to an impressive extent) within your capabilities to see it through. By taking those first few steps in the direction of your dream, you will be a lot closer to realizing it.
I knew there was a decent chance I might not get in despite my hard work. Even though there was always next year (in which my grade average would increase automatically to the level I needed due to my age), I wanted to see whether I could make it in a year before. I knew the ceaseless dedication it would require and the work it would take, and how incredibly hard it would be to push forward each day when I was still battling so many other health issues at the time.
Nevertheless, I chose to try.
And I made it.
