Self-Control and Self-Discipline Are Different Skills — and You Need Both
The practices of self-control and self-discipline are imperative.
Both are predictors of success. Both are ingredients of healthy living. Both are methods of controlling behavior to secure desired long-term outcomes.
Their difference, though, lies in the way they work to accomplish that goal.
There are many ways to define these terms. The following are my own definitions, which have been greatly inspired by works of psychologist Angela Duckworth. I think these definitions are the best at capturing the opposite yet compatible ideas of self-control and self-discipline — and so, the notions they represent matter more than the correctness of the terminology itself.
Self-control
To me, self-control is the ability to refuse a source or state of comfort.
To refrain from performing harmful habits. To know the negative long-term impact of certain actions, and to choose otherwise. To clean away the rubbish to make room for improved patterns of behavior (aka discipline).
Self-control often elicits feelings of discomfort, just like discipline does. With self-control, the feelings that arise come not because of the correct action itself (like putting your phone away), but because of the absence of the wrong action (like choosing not to pull out your phone).
Broadly, self-control includes:
- Resisting temptations and impulses
- Controlling emotional responses to events
- Remaining resilient in times of struggle
Self-discipline
On the other hand, self-discipline is the ability to enact or embrace a source or state of discomfort.
To have positive habits, instead of merely avoiding negative ones. To know the long-term gains of certain actions, and to persevere despite short-term discomfort. To wade through life’s distractions and difficulties (made controllable through self-control) in order to reach something desired.
Here, the accompanying feelings of discomfort directly stem from the action itself (sitting down to study) instead of the mere absence of more comforting actions (not lying down to watch TV).
Broadly, self-discipline includes:
- Maintaining habits and routines
- Working toward achieving important goals
- Pushing through emotional or social resistance
Why you need both
Neither self-control nor self-discipline work ideally on their own.
- Self-control without discipline is like managing to say “no” to poor decisions without also being able to say “yes” to important behaviors
- Discipline without self-control is like managing to say “yes” to positive habits without also saying “no” to actions that can impede this progress
The person exhibiting high self-control and low self-discipline, can successfully resist unhealthy temptations and remain calm in times of stress — but use passive means to achieve goals instead of implementing behaviors that actively move them forward. (Picture a person who passively becomes healthier by avoiding sugars and junk food, but who refuses to implement habits like working out or making homecooked meals.)
The person exhibiting low self-control and high self-discipline, can reach success through effortful and consistent work — but fails to refuse certain urges, which can impede the effectiveness of each intervention. (Picture a person who fulfills their exercise and career goals for the day, but who repeatedly scrolls through social media and snacks on unhealthy foods.)
If self-control is the ability to hold yourself back, self-discipline lies in the act of pushing yourself forward.
You must practice both to obtain success. Only then, will you be able to:
- Push through moments of discomfort to obtain comfortable ends
- Achieve desired states through passive and active means
- Resist external and internal distractions during important work
Thus, while self-control and self-discipline are two sides of the same coin, that coin really only has value if you master both of its currencies.
