You Are Not “High Maintenance”
Once, I warned a guy that I would be high maintenance.
I was sensitive and mentally ill. I needed more attention and comforting than most others. I had experienced heartbreak and was almost friendless. I wanted him to make an effort to prove that he cared and loved me.
From him, it required time. It required energy. And it required constant commitment.
But difficult as it was, it never made me high maintenance.
Different people have different needs.
You and I are different.
You might not be very sensitive. I am.
You might not be neurodivergent. I am.
You might be in a disadvantaged social group. For the most part, I am not.
You and I have different backgrounds and personalities. We are part of different systems and groups. And therefore, we have different needs.
You might have needs or concerns that I find foreign (like wearing glasses or using a wheelchair). Likewise, I have certain needs in my life that you might discount as luxuries (like having dimming lights at home or getting a private room during an exam).
That way, things that are unnecessary and “needy” for one person might be an essential part of normal living — or even survival — for another.
But sadly, society weighs these basic needs differently.
Norms should not be the golden standard.
Our systems are built to serve the needs of a select few people.
Those without disabilities. Those who claim more social privileges. Those who have the money and resources to live in this world with relative ease.
Their needs are the norm. Taken for granted. The standard that everyone caters to without question.
And the unique living criteria of everyone else is deprioritized. Doubted. These criteria are seen as “high maintenance” demands, like:
- Wearing headphones in class to avoid overstimulation
- Skipping a work meeting that might cause social burnout
- Rejecting hugs, kisses, or other forms of physical touch
- Asking a spouse to help with routines or housework
These might seem rude or unwarranted. They are not. To some individuals, these demands are completely necessary for their health and happiness.
This applies to you too.
Needing others to adapt to your needs does not make you “needy”. Sure, if these needs only served to please you, you would be. But if they are things you need or want in order to make your life as livable as it can be, they are completely reasonable demands to make.
- It is reasonable to ask for financial support when you are struggling
- It is reasonable to want extra time with your partner when you are low
- It is reasonable to need help with daily activities when they are difficult
- It is reasonable to demand respect when you are deemed as “troubled”
Remember: You are not “high maintenance” if your demands of others serve to make your life as easy as those whose needs are already satisfied by societal norms or systems.
You are merely a human wanting to be treated in a human way.
