You’ll Make A Greater Impression On Someone By Listening than By Talking
When you meet someone, you want to make a good impression.
You want them to think well of you, maybe even like you. You want them to remember you with a smile rather than a frown. And, you want them to get a sense of who you are as a person.
You may talk your way into this, but sometimes, you should just listen.
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Disclaimer: I do not offer this advice as a manipulation strategy. Rather, I offer it as a source of self-improvement. Be genuinely interested in listening to others, if for no other gain than to make them feel heard.
Note: The sentence marked with a star (*) was heavily inspired by a couple of lessons found in Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
Many people talk, but few people listen.
Even many who prefer not to talk themselves may be poor listeners, more concerned with their own thoughts than with others’. And, thus, a lot of our daily social interactions are filled with ceaseless distractions, sounds, and interruptions. Everyone wants to get their own points across, and that means compromising everyone else’s.
But something special happens when one person decides to listen.
Suddenly, there is one less person trying to assert themself. Suddenly, there is one less voice in the medley of voices. Suddenly, the talker feels heard.
Now, this is not to say that you should remain all quiet and passive in the background (unless that is what works best for you, of course).
I am not saying that you should never talk. (I am a talkative person myself, and it does not hinder me from heeding this advice.) After all, being a good listener is not the same as never talking; rather, it is about knowing when to close your mouth and how to open your ears.
This is why good listeners make such a strong impression in a crowd of talkers: Good listeners are rare, so when someone listens, people notice.
But making an impression is more than being noticed in a positive way by other people. Because when you leave a mark, well, you want to leave your mark. And how can you show who you are as a person if all you do is sit and nod?
Well, by listening in your unique way.
Listening is about seeking to understand what the other person is telling you (without trying to push your own perspective over it)*, whether what is being communicated is a fact, an opinion, a story, or something else. And in order to understand, you must often ask questions and use your body language to express that you are listening. What questions you ask, and what expressions/gestures you make, can quickly get across the kind of person you are (for example, what you ask the other person shows what about their information most interests or concerns you, or what you wish to know more about).
At the end of the day, conversations are exchanges.
So in a healthy relationship, there will be opportunities for each person to share and for each person to listen. But that is not always a luxury afforded to you in the moment(s) you initially spend with a person. Thus, if you wish to make an impression that lasts (whether on a date, an interview, etc.), you could prove from the get-go that you are willing to listen and understand.
That you are willing to be different and make a difference.
Because that might make a greater — and much better — impression.
